Surviving Quarantine With A Spouse You Want To Divorce
I’m sure you’ve seen the headlines about the predicted rise in divorce once the shelter in place orders end. And I have to say that, due to the increase in the (virtual) divorce consults I’ve had since the shelter in place order has been in effect in New York, I believe this to be true.
Some people had already been thinking about divorce or have even started the process before these orders were in effect. But for some, quarantine is the last straw; being forced together 24/7 when your relationship already has a lot of cracks can really push things over the edge. This can be particularly true when your spouse is a high conflict person like a narcissist.
So what do you do when you are stuck at home and unable to take action?
Consult With A Lawyer
Depending on your situation, this one may be difficult to do at the moment. If you have the opportunity to have alone time, consider scheduling a phone or Zoom consultation with an attorney. I’ve had people call from their cars in the parking lot of the grocery store or call when their spouse went out to exercise or go to the store.
Even though you may not be able to file a new divorce action at this time due to court closures and restrictions, it is a good time to learn your options and get things ready so you can file as soon as possible. Keep in mind there will be a major backlog of cases and you want your papers to be at the top of the pile when the courts are back in business.
Work On Your Plan
Next, you want to start thinking about your plan. Decide if you want to try to keep the marital residence or move out. If you plan to move, start looking at new places and working on a budget. If you had the opportunity to talk to a lawyer, they will be able to give you an estimate for support and let you know the likelihood of you staying in the marital residence.
You also want to think about when and how you want to serve your spouse. Many people are concerned about their spouse’s reaction and like to have a plan in place for a place to stay before serving the divorce papers.
Gather Information
Now is also the time to start gathering the information needed for your divorce. Make sure you know your marital living expenses and the expenses you will have post-divorce. Gather retirement account statements, credit card statements, bank statements, and tax returns.
Take Care of Yourself
The most important thing you can do take care of yourself. Try to get a bit of fresh air when you can. Make sure you are staying connected with friends and family with a phone or video calls. If you don’t have one already, start looking for a therapist. Many are doing video and phone sessions these days. If you don’t have privacy to talk, with an app like Talk Space you can even talk to a therapist via messages.
Taking these actions even before you can file for divorce can put you in the best position possible when you are able to file.
Ready to get started in your case? Schedule your Case Strategy Session.
