What To Know About Co-Parenting During The Coronavirus
The Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic has a lot of my clients asking for help with co-parenting during this crisis. With the courts being closed and lives at stake, what happens when you and your co-parent can’t agree on what’s best for your children. I’ve put together a few helpful tips that can guide you in this unprecedented time to help make decisions that keep your children safe and keep you on the right side of your custody order.
Make The Children A Top Priority
This is a scary time full of uncertainly for you, your ex, and your children. Children thrive on stability and having school canceled and parenting schedule changes, on top of fears about the Coronavirus, can be really distressing for children. Make sure all of your decisions are putting the children first. Can your co-parent work from home and keep the kids isolated while you have to keep going out every day? Maybe it is best for the children to stay with them. More than anything you need to put their needs over your comfort right now.
When In Doubt Follow The Order
Even though the courts are closed you are still obligated to follow court orders unless your child is in immediate danger. If your co-parent is supposed to get the children during Spring Break, unless you agree otherwise, you have to follow the order. While you may have valid concerns about how well the other parent has prepared or is social distancing, you cannot unilaterally cancel their parenting time unless the children may be immediately harmed. Reach out to your attorney to see if the issue constitutes an emergency that will allow a judge to get involved.
But Be Flexible
When possible, remember this situation is hard on everyone, and the priority is what is best for the kids. If a parent has to work more or feels it is not safe to exercise their parenting time, be flexible and come to a compromise that works for all. While child support orders in New York are still in effect, many are being laid off and unable to work. Now is a good time to try to be understanding and flexible with payments. The payor should still try to pay as much as they can (as expenses are likely to be even higher with kids at home), but the receiver should try to be understanding and flexible during this emergency. You are still obligated for any arrears accrued during this time. But the reality is courts are closed and it is unlikely you’d be able to file any enforcement in the next couple of months. If the child support payer needs a little more time to pay the full amount due to cut hours or layoffs, being a little flexible at this time is the right thing to do.
Facilitate Communication
When the children are with you, make sure the other parent has open communication with them. Again, these are scary times and they are likely just as worried as you are. Allow frequent phone and video chat opportunities when they can’t see the other parent in person. It is also a good idea to keep in touch with each other about changes in risk and exposure, your health and the health of the kids, and anything else that can help you make the best decisions about the safest way exercise parenting time with the children. These strange times will be ingrained in the memories of your children together. The best way to make them feel safe and secure is to see their parents working together to get through this difficult time.
