What To Do When Your Child Wants to Live With Their Other Parent

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What To Do When Your Child Wants to Live With Their Other Parent

Divorce can be a difficult time for both children and parents. This can be a big change for everyone, especially when it comes to living arrangements. It’s great when children can equally split time between parents, but what happens if your child wants to live with their other parent? 

Whether your child made this decision during the divorce, or if they decided to change residences a few years later, here are a few things you should consider. 

Don’t Take It Personally 

There are many reasons your child may feel this way and in most cases it is not because they don’t love the parent they don’t want to live with. It doesn’t have to be seen as a negative evaluation of who you are as a person or a parent. Anger or resentment can cause your child to refrain from opening up or push them away from you. 

Keep Communication Open

Give your child a safe space to share with you why they want this change. You can certainly have boundaries that the conversation has to stay respectful but remember that  goes both ways. Let them speak. Really listen with an open mind. Once you have actively listened to their position, share your concerns. 

Consider Bringing Your Ex Into The Conversation 

They may have already brought this up to the other parent. It could be helpful to all if first you and the other parent discussed it and then brought the child into the discussion. Again, everyone does not have to agree but actively listening and understanding each other's point of view can help come to a resolution. 

Think About What Happens if You Let Them Go

Oftentimes kids (especially teens) want to move with the other parent because they feel there are less rules. And sometimes the other parent does not fully recognize what it takes to have a child live with them the majority of the time. 

If there are no safety concerns, I often suggest clients give it a trial run. Let the child live with the other parent for a few months (with a written agreement that it is temporary) and see how it goes. Very often the child and other parent realize that the grass is not greener. 

In some cases it is actually better for the child to live with the other parent for various reasons. You have to take a step back and put your ego aside and think about if this is better for your child (or just as good) if it is what they want. 

You don’t have to agree to the change if you truly believe it is not in your child’s best interest. But hearing them out can help you preserve your relationship with them.