Coping With An Unwanted Divorce
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Nobody goes into a marriage thinking about divorce. A divorce is an emotionally taxing and overwhelming process and is difficult especially for the party who didn’t see this coming. The end of your marriage may not be something you chose, but how you deal with the aftermath is.
You may choose to dwell in your sorrows or pick yourself up and focus on things you couldn’t before such as your hobbies, travels, and passion projects! In this article, we will be sharing 10 tips on how to cope with an unwanted divorce.
Come to terms with your divorce.
Learning to accept the reality that your marriage is over is critical in starting your recovery journey. It helps you to look forward and focus on the future, and release negative emotions such as regret, blame, resentment, etc. Stop trying to rationalize why your marriage ended and the things that went wrong and focus on doing other things that you love.
Create new life goals.
Spend some time reassessing your life goals and come up with a new goal list. Experiment with things that you may not have been able to try previously. Discover new hobbies or aspirations that you love and want to get better in. Write down your new goals and plan how you can achieve them. Breaking your goal down into baby steps makes them much easier to accomplish at your own pace.
Make your goals SMART by making them as specific as possible! Ensure that they are attainable and realistic, and set a time frame for yourself to achieve this goal by. You may end up with a list of goals, so remember to prioritize them in order of whichever you would like to accomplish first.
Block out more me-time.
Give yourself more attention! Self-love and your conscious commitment to your new long-term goals will benefit you in the long term. What were some of your interests before you got married? Pamper and immerse yourself in your hobbies, build passion projects, side hustles, anything you feel like doing that will take your mind off the negative thoughts. This rediscovery and self-reflection phase may lead to a Eureka moment for you where you understand, learn and appreciate yourself better.
Give yourself some time to grieve.
Grief is different for everyone, and to move on, grieving is essential. Give yourself time to process the grief you may be experiencing, whether denial, anger, acceptance while you are sorting out your feelings. However, remember to set a countdown timer for this. Once the time is up, you move on! Without setting any time limits on your grieving process, you will remain stuck and trapped in the vicious cycle of self-pity, isolation, and negativity.
Spend more time with friends and family.
Dealing with a divorce by yourself is stressful. As such, supportive relationships with your friends and family are good ways to relieve this stress. They’ll be able to ease the pain and help you through this difficult period. Talk it out with them, and at the same time, you’ll be able to find out who your real friends are. Some friends may avoid you, but it’s always nice to have people to fall back on.
Alternatively, find people who are going through similar phases, and surround yourself with people who make you laugh or remind you of who you are. There are many support groups and communities available that you can join to empower yourself.
Do not compare yourself to others.
Everyone’s recovery process is different. Some people move on faster, while others prefer to spend more time grieving. Moreover, with an unwanted divorce, it is a different process compared to someone who chose to leave their partner willingly. With such different experiences, it is not beneficial to compare as you’ll end up beating yourself up and this self-criticism will only prolong your recovery.
Be kind and patient to yourself and use this opportunity to find out what you are looking for in yourself and in your next relationship.
Keep a healthy distance with your ex.
There will be an urge to find out how the other party is doing after the divorce. This may lead to you scrolling through your social media channels, stalking their latest activities, spamming them with messages, etc. Stop!
This is unhealthy for your recovery especially since you will only feel worse than you already are. What you see on social media does not fully represent how the person is feeling. The party may look like they just won the lottery in the photo, but in fact, is feeling down in the dumps. This comparison will only affect your mental health negatively. Thus, we advise for you to spend more time outdoors rather than indoors to curb your urges of constant scrolling on social media.
Seek help if you need to.
If you feel like it is too much to handle alone, open up to a professional counselor, who will be able to guide you through your recovery. It could be a long journey before you heal but speaking to someone will help you let go of the anxiety, fear and uncertainty you feel moving forward.
Don’t allow an unwanted divorce to dictate how your future outlook on life will be. No one has life figured out so go at your own pace. Take your time to learn and be comfortable with the uncertainty and spontaneity of what comes next.
We at Joleena Louis Law understand how great of an impact divorce can bring towards the affected party’s life through supporting countless other divorcees in their recovery process. Hence, we can provide you with the resources and advice you need to focus on rebuilding your life. If you’d like to schedule a consultation with us, you can contact us here.
