How to Deal with Harassment from Your Ex
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Have you ever felt unsafe or scared because of your ex’s behavior? You are not alone. It can be difficult to know what to do when someone is stalking and harassing you, especially if it is an ex-partner. But there are steps you can take to protect yourself and get the help you need. Let’s look at what to do when your ex won't stop harassing you, including getting a restraining order or an order of protection in New York.
What Is Stalking and Harassment?
Stalking and harassment are illegal actions that put someone in fear for their safety or make them feel threatened. According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, stalking is defined as “a pattern of repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.” Examples of harassment include physical violence, verbal abuse (including threats), stalking (following someone without their consent), cyberstalking (using technology or social media to monitor someone without their consent), and sending unwanted gifts or messages.
Getting a Restraining Order/Order of Protection
If your ex won’t stop harassing you, one option is getting a restraining order or an order of protection. In New York, you can get an order of protection by filing a criminal complaint or by filing a family offense petition in Family court.
An order of protection is a court-issued document that orders an abuser not to have any contact with the victim and to also stay away from their home, workplace, school, etc., until the court hearing.
In New York, you can get an order of protection from Criminal Court, Family Court, or Supreme Court.
A criminal order of protection is typically issued when the accused has been charged with a crime. This typically happens if there is an incident and the police are called and an arrest is made. The district attorney makes the request for the order of protection and the judge decides whether to issue one and the terms and conditions.
Family court orders of protection are civil and issued to stop violence within families. These orders are confidential and issued where there is an “intimate relationship,” between current or former spouses, where parties have a child in common, or where parties are related by marriage or blood.
There does not have to be an arrest to obtain an order of protection in family court. You can go to the family court in your county and file a Family Offense Petiton. A judge will hear you (typically the same day) and if they believe the allegations constitute a family offense they may issue a temporary order of protection with a date to return after the other party has been served.
A Supreme Court order of protection is one you get in connection with an ongoing divorce. You can request one by motion or Order to Show Cause.
If your ex violates the terms set forth in either type of court order they will be subject to criminal prosecution. It is important to note however that this process can take time so it is important to consider other safety measures like changing your phone number/email address as well as developing a safety plan if needed in the meantime.
Safety Planning
Developing a safety plan when dealing with an abusive partner can be incredibly beneficial in helping keep yourself safe both mentally and physically. This type of plan should include steps such as identifying potential safe places for you when feeling unsafe; knowing who you can turn to for support; having emergency cash on hand; making sure all important documents like IDs/passports are kept up-to-date; practicing self-care activities; setting boundaries around communication; and more depending on your individual situation. It may also be helpful to reach out for professional help such as counseling services as well as local resources like hotlines/shelters if needed.
Dealing with harassment from an ex can be traumatic but there are steps you can take right now that will help keep yourself protected - such as getting an order of protection - while also developing a safety plan that works best for your unique needs and circumstances. Remember that regardless of what happened between you two before no one should have their safety compromised due to another person’s behaviors so don’t hesitate to seek out legal assistance.
